(Please note that my final words to my daughter tonight were actually "No. I am not singing any songs. I love you, but I am too frustrated to sing songs tonight. Sorry.")
After an hour long battle where I believe I acquiesced entirely too much, I started thinking about what I wish I could say, what I wish would actually be useful to my daughter in these moments.
Let's set the scene. Post 1 hour at the playground to run off excess energy. I had said 20 minutes, we were there for one hour. The contract was playground with bath afterwards. Agreed to by both parties. She came upstairs readily but begged for either juice or chocolate milk or both. Incessantly. Since she had had both previously during the day her only options were water or milk. The breakdown began and neither bath nor water were had.
Eventually both occurred but only after I heard phrases like, "I like the bath tepid, but not hot. I want my glass 1/2 cup and 3/8 of a teaspoon full. This water is frigid, could I get something a little more agreeable? I want only Mommmy to apply lotion to my skin and only on my forearms and toes, not my midsection or buttocks. Have my pajamas been pressed and folded? If not, I don't want to wear them. Is my blanket on the bed smoothed out with the corner tucked down? Has my towel been warmed by the fire because once I step out of this bath I'll be a little chilled."
Okay. So she didn't really say those things, she said similar things with much less grace and respect. She wanted everything her way. She would eventually accept the conditions (water, not chocolate milk) but then voice her ridiculous conditions on each and every step of the process. One step forward, three steps back. Several time outs later and the passing of the minute hand several degrees around the clock, at 9 pm, I came into her room and finally got her ready for bed.
What I kind of wish I could have explained to her is this:
I'm sorry, you've made so many poor choices this evening. We gave you choices from water to milk, from pink pjs to horsey pjs, from bath to shower, from drink the water in your cup or no water. Each time you refused any choice and then threw a crying, raging fit. So many poor choices wastes my time and reduces to nil any time we would have had for stories and songs as part of your normal bedtime routine. You made so many poor choices that you ended up in hell, and although Satan would try to trick you into thinking that hell is full of fun choices, it actually has NO choices. So, welcome to hell, you have no more choices, go to bed.
This teaches agency, choices, consequences, eternal perspective (or at least longer term perspective), etc. Right?
Sigh. Okay. That was cathartic. Even if it was just an imaginary, joking conversation in my mind. Oh, and in the blogosphere.
Sleep well, my sweet. (And yes, Marc sang her songs and we both hugged and kissed her goodnight. And I'll consider my increase of love to be in the form of taking her to the potty when she asks me to at 3 am. And starting anew tomorrow.)
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you're so patient. And loving. And funny.
ReplyDeleteyes we can joke about hell. isn't it so frustrating trying to be so logical with a three-year-old? oh, it's infuriating.
ReplyDeletebut i find even the worst days can be erased by just a small peak at the sleeping child.
my word verification? pinful. hmmm, full of pins or just not quite painful? you decide.
Ahh, been there before. I have to say that from 3 to 3 1/2 was the hardest time for Ethan (and me!). Hang in there! So glad you can find some humor in it, even if it is after the fact!
ReplyDeleteSigh....I'm with ya. We know all about this. It's quite a miracle when all is quiet in the end!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like my fight almost every night. I had a friend comment the other day that my kids stubborness will benefit them someday. So here's to looking to the future and hoping their character will keep them on the iron rod. Wish we lived closer because I think we would have a lot in common
ReplyDeleteaaah. been there. one silly thing that helps me when they are tired, over stimulated, on and on is this: never treat a drunk sober. what? what does this mean you say? i never expect appropriate behavior from my kids if i have let them play their guts out or inserted irregulars to the routine. (all of summertime) if they are melting down after an evening activity that we really truly enjoyed, i forgo routine and baths and focus on getting them to bed without incident.it might mean no baths,no teeth brushed and even maybe sleeping in regular clothes, but it saves some emotion.
ReplyDeletei was such a rigid mom at one time but this has definitely made oodles more memories without drama. sometimes the memory of the fun park and dirty sleeping child will be better than the frustration of ignored discipline. but, if i have had a plentiful routine day, i expect a plentiful obedient bed time. i know it sounds crazy, maybe in another ten years i'll change this thought......