Yes! This is your opportunity and yes I am begging for it! For all you mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, friends, godmothers, etc. out there (hey, and add dads into the mix as well!)... I am soliciting advice!
I want to be endowed with all the advice, tips, stories, warnings, and counsel you can dose out! Since we know we're having a girl now I am finally gearing up to get a "mommy mind" and I am seeking any advice you can send my way. I've been extremely slow in getting on board... haven't bought maternity clothes yet (heaven knows I need to), haven't purchased bedding, haven't researched diapers, haven't bought any mothering books or magazines, haven't bought a car seat, don't know about breastfeeding or bottles or sleep schedules or cribs... anything! Consider me a blank canvas!
I can't promise to take your advice, but I do promise to appreciate your wisdom and sharing!
I would love tips on any of the following and ANYTHING ELSE you can think of to share:
cloth versus disposable diapers & diapering services
favorite maternity clothing stores, websites (cheap, please!)
if you have a bassinet you can lend me or let me buy for cheap
favorite baby products
must haves for any new mom and baby
car seats (easy to install, light)
strollers (lightweight)
what to do to prepare for labor and the big day
best bottles/breastfeeding advice
daddy's advice and favorites
frenchy-english girl names
can't live without
sleeping arrangement advice
how to do without a binky
best rockers/gliders
any advice from sisters, aunts, friends , non-moms who have observed moms and can give their own valuable advice and stories and perspective
...anything goes! Bring it on, please!
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oh man, I have so much advice bursting to come out! But, I had to respond right away to your "Frenchy girl name", because if I ever have a girl, she will have a French name, oh yes. I've liked Isabelle for years, but nowadays I'm liking Marie. Simple, yet refined, non?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm excited to hear what you come up with....in the meantime, I'll be thinking of my advice!
One thing I have learned, is that everyone has an opinion, and what works for one may not work for another, and what doesn't work for one may work for another. You need to find what works for you and your baby (from what I hear, each baby is different, too). Having said that, here's what Ben and I have found for us and Ashley:
ReplyDeleteWe use disposable diapers. Especially once eating solids, there are some diapers you just want to get rid of ASAP.
For the bassinet, Ben and I bought one of the travel playpens that has a bassinet and changing table in it - the brand is Combi. We really liked it and we had a crib to travel with.
Must haves:
Baby carrier. That was the only way I could get things done sometimes. Ashley really liked to look out, so the sling didn't work.
Swaddling blanket. No matter how well we swaddled Ashley, she got out of it and woke up. Once we got the swaddling blanket, she'd sleep for 7-8 hours.
Bebe Sounds Angel Care Monitor. This has a pad that you put under the mattress and it detects the baby's breathing. If the baby stops breathing, an alarm sounds. It gave us great piece of mind and, I believe, helped me get better quality sleep.
The Graco Snugride got excellent reviews on Consumer Reports.
Breastfeeding advice - maybe not the best place for me to post my advice. If you want my thoughts on this (how to prepare for), email me and I'll let you know.
Ashley never took the binky, even though we tried. She sucked her thumb, which we were a little worried about. I have a niece who, at the age of 6, still sucks her thumb. Ashley stopped sucking her thumb on her own.
We bought the cheapest rocker/glider combo we could find and totally regret it. Get one with padding, one that reclines, one that you could fall asleep in - because there may be nights when you'll need to. This is one item I would splurge on.
Stay calm - the baby senses your frustration and just gets more upset. This is something I have heard my mom say over and over again. The second night in the hospital Ashley was crying and neither Ben or I could get her to stop. We were all getting frustrated. Then, I remembered what my mom said and the thought came to me, "She is a helpless baby and this is her only way of communicating with you. She is trusting you to care for her in every way." I immediately told myself to calm down and she eventually did, as well. This has come up several times - especially at 4:00AM when I was seriously sleep deprived.
The other advice from my mom that I would pass on is to watch what you eat if nursing. I know that isn't the "popular" thing anymore and many people will tell you what you eat doesn't effect the baby, but I swear it does. Ben and I both noticed a huge difference in Ashley when I ate things like chocolate, tomatoes, broccoli, and other gassy foods.
And lastly, you know your baby better than anyone else. Pray for guidance and trust the inspiration you receive/intuition you have.
So, there it is. Take what you want of it (or none of it). You guys will be such great parents! What a lucky baby!
Don't know you, but I figured you left the door wide open for anyone to comment. I'm a mom of 2 so I guess that makes me feel like an expert....at least compared to some.
ReplyDeleteThings I love:
My nursing shawl (the perfect modest way to nurser your baby)
Baby Wise (it's a book that will help you sleep train your baby---it works! I swear by it. Both my babies slept through the night at 8 weeks---It's so important to sleep well)
Those are my necessities. I'm sure that you'll be a fabulous mother. Just trust your instincts!
I found your blog through Becca's and thought I'd leave a comment...since our baby was born in Paris maybe you will think we are cool. We really wanted to give our daughter a French name and we chose Noelle. For a lot of reasons, an important one being, that in the US no one will pronounce your baby's name correctly.... or beautifully for that matter. Noelle is pretty hard to mess up. Some French names I like are Claire, Aurelie, Sophie, Josephine, and Amelie. These names retain their pronounciation in English for the most part. I also like the names Camille, Genevieve, and Elodie, but in my opinion, they lose a lot when Americans say them. Luckily, you are having a girl, because all (okay, almost all) French boy names do not sound good in English. For example: Jean-Baptiste, Michel, Pierre. Good luck, as there are many beautiful French names.
ReplyDeleteI love my stroller and would recommend it highly. It is a Maclaren and is pretty lightweight, folds up almost as small as an umbrella stroller, is very sturdy, has ergonomic handles, and a handle to carry it when it is foldup. Love love love it. It doesn't hurt that it is very esthetically pleasing.
I think I may have read every book out there about babies before my daughter was born, and here is my advice. read them all once and then throw them away. I found that everyone has a book they love, and they get a little offended if you dont like it. Most of the books were way too extreme for me, in that they instructed you to feed your baby on the clock and let them starve until the next feeding (Babywise) or never ever look at the clock only do what the baby wants and give up all hopes of ever being in control. So I took what advice I liked from each and landed somewhere in the middle. That being said, I really really liked Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Pretty moderate and what it had to say worked for me.
My advice for breastfeeding is to get help right away if you have trouble. Don't wait. Whether you choose to breastfeed or bottle feed, don't feel guilty about your decision. There is so much pressure on moms to breastfeed at all costs, and that isn't always possible. Also, bottle feeding was just as convenient, if not more, than breastfeeding for me.
Whew, that was a lot of advice from a stranger, but I wish I had known some of these things before instead of learning them through many tears and late nights.
Good luck and in case you are wondering, having a baby in France was very pleasant. You should consider it.
Try to read the book, "The Happiest Baby on the Block," by Dr. Harvey Karp-- I know the library has it. I swear by his swaddling-method, it was the ONLY thing to calm Lucy down when she was little and a screamy-head. As for nursing, just hang in there!! It hurts the first little while-- they say it isn't supposed to, but naturally you get sore and then it SHOULD get better within days (I've heard of girls going weeks or even months with it still hurting, which would indicate a problem, no?) So just brace yourself for it to be uncomfortable at first, but it quickly passes and becomes really easy and totally worth the experience!! Have someone help you at the hospital figure out the correct latch, etc., and it will make it easier at home. Like I said, Lucy was a little bit of a screamy-head and it was HARD, but you just have to remember you'll make it through and that "this too shall pass.":) I totally agree with your friend-- I really believe in a mother's intuition and that you'll always know what's best for your baby!! I was amazed at how naturally everything came to me, whever before when thinking about it, it was terrifying!! You'll be the perfect mother for your baby, and you'll love it.
ReplyDeleteI know all too well about not knowing where to start and what to believe when you are getting ready to have a baby. In the end, there were a lot of things that I stressed about that weren't that big of a deal. I'll share a couple of things I learned along the way.
ReplyDeleteI loved the book Baby Bargains. They have a lot of good consumer information and I found their product reviews to be very accurate.
I stressed and stressed and stressed about finding the right crib bedding. Everything I liked was $400 and I couldn't justify spending that kind of money on bedding for a crib. In the end I pieced it together myself and love how it turned out. I bought the bumper pads in creme, bought a red crib sheet and found some great striped fabric and my mom helped me make a crib skirt. Okay, she made it for me...I didn't really help. Anyway, I found this to be much better and it didn't cost a fortune. I think what makes baby bedding so expensive is the quilt that comes with them. Well, you aren't supposed to have thick quilts in the crib with the baby anyway, so it seems like kind of a waste.
Like Ruth said, the Graco snugride has great reviews for a carseat and is pretty much the lightest carseat on the market. I bought the carseat and the Graco snap n' go stroller and love it. When Ethan gets bigger and grows out of his carseat I plan to buy another more umbrella style stroller like a Maclaren. I heard a lot of people say that travel systems are not the way to go and so far I'm glad I did it the way I did.
As far as doing things without the binkie, I felt the same way it sounds like you do. I really didn't want to use a pacifier with Ethan and fought it for a long time. When it comes down to it, some babies just like to suck and find it very soothing. When I finally gave in to using the binkie, things got a lot easier for all of us. I still try alternate methods to calm him if he is fussy and use the binkie as a last resort. It is a life saver. I say be a little more open to it if it calms your baby. If you decide to breastfeed and have a baby that likes to suck, she will either suck the binkie or use you as a pacifier. Believe me, you'll love the binkie if that is the case! You may have to try a few different ones until you find one your baby will take. For Ethan, he likes the MAM 0-2 months binkie because it is much smaller than other ones and he can actually keep it in his mouth.
As far as breastfeeding advice- if you decide to do it, great. If not, that's okay too. Make your own decision. If you do breastfeed, know it can be a little rough in the beginning, but it does get better. Get help in the hospital from the beginning. Once you are home and if you still feel like you need help, seek it. La leche league is great and they offer free advice. As much as it is natural, it does take some learning on your part. I ended up getting some help from a lactation consultant after a couple of weeks and it made all the difference for me.
I really enjoyed the book The Best Baby on the Block and also swear by the swaddling method. It works wonders if you do it right. They really have to be swaddled tight. You can buy special swaddling blankets or I have found the ones I love are from babies r' us. They are Koala brand and are a 100% cotton blanket. They are waffle weaved...so they look like thermals. Do you know what I'm talking about? Anyway, they are a bit stretchy and are great swaddling blankets. They cost $5.99 a piece.
I also read the book the Baby Whisperer and liked a lot of the things she talked about and her method. I read both these books and then returned them to the library. I liked getting ideas, but didn't want to be living by someone else's philosophy word for word. I wanted to do what worked best for me and my baby.
You WILL know what is best for your baby. Listen to your intuition, pray for guidance and you'll be led in the right direction. Like I said in my post, being a new mom is the hardest and most joyful thing I have ever experienced. You are going to be a great mom and your little girl is one lucky baby!
Enjoy the process and don't get too stressed about things. Remember the material things you buy for your baby really don't matter. She will know that she is loved and that is really what counts.
Ladies! I have really loved everything you've posted in comments! Keep it coming! I really appreciate it! I never knew how much I would LOVE hearing advice on this. In fact, just reading your posts (strangers and all... THANK YOU! If only I WERE in France...jealous!) has helped me get WAY more excited about motherhood! I thought it might be stressful to get a lot of feedback, but I really love it thus far... THANK YOU! Please keep it coming, because I am being truthful when I say that it is melting my heart to have such amazing women share their insights and feelings... YOU are making me more excited to be my baby's mama!
ReplyDeleteAs you can see, some of the best advice from these women came from their moms. But you have not asked me--or how that you turned out to be so perfect! Oh well, I guess I'd just post my own opinions.
ReplyDeleteI was going to BYU when you were born. Breast feeding was difficult, but it worked out. I nursed you before school and save some milk for you for lunch and in between. Nurse you when I got home. It all worked out, and nothing fancy had to be done. A good rocking chair is a must. Glider won't work good. For some reason, baby needs rocking, not gliding.
I do not agree with letting baby suck thumb. Although we have to let the baby finds her best interest, some of those behavior/habit can be trained and formed with some patience on your part. Establishing bad habit is not worth it.
I also do not agree to letting baby sleep in the same room. They sense that and will get used to it and you will have a hard time parting with them.
We want to love the baby, but not to the point that she can't leave you alone to do anything. She will need to have her time in her swing, in her crib, etc, and not be held constantly.
I am excited for her to come. I think I will spoil her, but I will still be adamant about what I said.
Last but not least, please choose a pretty name, and don't get stuck on the frenchy thing. Some French are cool, but not all of them. And as your friend said, french boy's names really sound awful. But you don't have to think about them now.
Saturday when I went to a group baby shower, I asked to touch those mama's tummies, 'cos I don't get to touch yours :(
Love you.
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ReplyDeleteOkay so I adopted our kids so I didn't have to go through the pregnancy or the breastfeeding so I'm not much help in that department. But do have a couple things to share that I learned along the way.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I never finished reading any of the parenting books. Everyone I talked to recommended something different and they were all completely different. I think they have some good suggestions but every baby is so different that I really recommend doing what works for you and your baby. To much advice will only make you go crazy and get frustrated. It's amazing how much you know your baby and the baby knows you. Whether you've adopted or given birth.
The next is you HAVE to sleep when she sleeps. With Taybree, I tried to get things done when she'd sleep but which was great at first but after a couple weeks my body just crashed and I didn't even hear her when she was crying. Luckily my mom was here and she really had to tell me that it was alright to wait until Levi gets home to try to get things done. It was more important to catch up on my sleep whenever I could. And that I couldn't let myself get that tired. Enjoy those newborn moments because they don't last long at all!
Boudon's Butt Paste...Funny name but it is WAY better than Desitin. It doesn't smell as strong, wipes off a lot easier, and works like magic.
Your the only mom she knows and she'll love what ever you decide, don't be afraid to try something new. You'll do great! I tried to think of some different things to share...I hope it wasn't too much of an earfull!
MATERNITY CLOTHES - I just got a bunch for $3.50 each at JCPenneys. Or sometimes, Target, H&M (the one at Plymouth Meeting Mall), and sometimes Motherhood has some good stuff on sale (they have these jeans that have a big nude belly band... great cause it holds them up, but the waistband doesn't sit along the middle of your growing belly). Also, for buying maternity jeans... I would suggest (if you can find them) some that have belt-loops as well as a belly band... maternity jeans are always falling off because they have no waist.
ReplyDeleteCAR SEATS - Chicco... light, easy to install, good looking, sturdy, easy to get baby in and out, easy adjustable straps (for those winter months with big coats).
STROLLERS - I wanted small and easy. Baby Trend has a stroller base for any car seat. It doesn't have a seat, but it is a compact way to transfer your baby to a stroller when they are sleeping without getting a big travel system. (The travel system for the Chicco is actually pretty good though) Then we bought a compact stroller for when he got bigger and wanted to face forward. If the stroller is for sightseeing, travelling, or shopping, I would suggest one with a big basket underneath with easy access.
BINKIES - I am kinda anti-binky, so we didn't use them. We just used our pinkies. We kept lots of hand sanitizer around, washed our hands a lot, and kept our pinky nails well-trimmed. Babies do need to suck, so we had to use something. Most babies don't naturally keep a binky in their mouth anyway (you have to hold it in at first, then keep putting it in when it falls out. Dirty, you may say? Well, Xander is one of the healthiest babies I know (antibodies anyone?) Plus, you don't use your pinky for much else anyway.
CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT - travel hand sanitizer. they sell it at Target on a rubber key-chain thing that i kept attached to my diaper-bag at all times. And small plastic bags in your diaper bag (for blowouts, trash, dirty diapers, dirty clothes, etc)
Also, I didn't want Xander in a swing or his car seat all the time, so I "wore my baby" alot. Slings and a baby-carrier are definite must-haves for that. Baby Bjorn is the best, but I bought a carrier made by snuggly with all the same features for half the price. As for slings, I have a couple different ones for different uses/ages.
SLEEPING - we read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and then modified it to fit our baby. Xander slept in our bed alot, mostly because I was too tired and lazy in the middle of the night to nurse him sitting up, but in the end, we all slept better once I got him to sleep in his crib and nursed him in a rocker in his room.
ROCKING CHAIR - I hate the way they look but... Laz-Boy rocker/recliners are awesome for nursing/rocking crying babies. And I'll tell you why... they recline and rock at the same time, so when you are tired you can recline a little and nurse/rock. And they are super comfy (unlike those wooden ones with a little pad on them). And your husband will like it too.
SWADDLING - We thought Xander didn't like to be swaddled, so we didn't. Then we learned that what they want isn't always what is best for them. He slept much better when swaddled. A good swaddling blanket is a must. Not too big, and stretchy enough that the baby can still move without pulling it all apart.
DIAPER BAG - Lots of pockets inside and/or out. One carrying strap instead of two (when you are carrying your baby and a diaper bag and the straps are falling off your shoulder, it is annoying). A changing pad included. Zippers shut. I had a Bumble Bag and I LOVED it. They are pricey, but I found mine at Marshall's, or sometimes you can find them on ebay or something. They have a pocket on the outside that folds out and has a changing pad right there and pockets for diapers and wipes. It was so easy to change him anywhere. And it was super-roomy inside with lots of pockets. And they are really cute.
DIAPERS - We liked Pampers when he was a newborn, then Huggies when he got a little older (size 3+). But everyone is different.
LABOR & DELIVERY - I am taking a Prenatal Yoga Class right now at the hospital. It is awesome for keeping you limber, relieving discomfort, and preparing you with positions for labor.
I used to think that I would never have my mom in the delivery room, and that doulas were silly, but I now understand the reason behind it. It's nice to have someone in there with you that knows what they are doing. My husband was there for support, but my mom helped me know what to do. The doctors and nurses aren't always the best at that, and it's scary not knowing what to expect and what to do.
NURSING - ask me about that one later. I don't want to scare anyone. :)
So this is pretty general advice but here it goes. I heard this when Lydian was younger and I was having the usual self doubting I'm not doing enough feelings all new moms have. This really helped me at the time. Remember that you are the best mom (and dad) your baby will ever have, because you are the only mom and dad they've ever known. They don't have anything to compare you to. We as parents are the ones that put all the pressures on ourselves while our sweet babies just want to be loved. Every mom and dad will usually have such different likes/dislikes/styles from the next parents. Work together, pray together, and have fun.
ReplyDeleteI know you two will be terrific parents!
The biggest thing I had concerns about was having a positive experience with my labor & delivery, for both me and my baby. I don't know what your feelings are about that but for the record I really just believe every mom, dad, and baby should have the best birth experience possible. It may mean at home for some, in the hospital for others... epidural for some, nothing for others, c-section for others (you get my drift.) That said, my favorite resource is the book "Birthing from Within". It really helped me prepare mentally, emotionally and physically for both births and they were both wonderful - by far the toughest, best, and most rewarding thing I've ever done. I would say skip or just skim the first section - but for the most part everything about it was great. I also liked "Active Birth". I had a doula with Zach - which was great - but not with Miles. I just told KC ahead of time (and during) that he had to tell me constantly how great I was doing and how wonderful I was - that was seriously helped SO MUCH. It sounds kind of funny but it's what really worked for me.
ReplyDeleteAs for after the baby arrives - you'll do great! All the advice here seems great, and I second the idea of just following your intuition, only you know what's best for you baby :)
Natalie, you are going to get a mouth full from a lot of mommies! My list can go on and on. What's your personal email?
ReplyDeleteTo start-
Sleep habits: you HAVE to get the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" Its the greatest and has been so informative for me in figuring out my kids sleeping patterns.
Labor & Delivery: take a prenatal class (very helpful for first time parents)
Breast feeding: Consider taking a class. Lacation Specialists can become your best friend! They are the baby whisperers! Also, honestly invest in a nice breast pump or rent a nice breast pump from the hospital. Trust me on this. Crappy breast pumps are the worst and are frustrating. I have experience!
Clothes: Target has always been a great place for me to find maternity clothes-they are cute and hip and inexpensive. Also check out Old Navy's website..they often have great deals too and on shipping.
Carseats: go to www.elitecarseats.com (great info and reviews on travel systems). You can also go to Babies R'Us and look to see what they have and test them out. Get something that is easy, light and not complicated!
Binkies: Don't buy any until the baby comes. In fact, the hospital will give you the green Soothie's and you can try those. They are apparently the most natural binkies out there. Lily didn't like binkies but Owen loves his. It just depends on your baby. I think they are fine if they comfort your child.
Names: well Lily's middle name is Claire and I LOVE that name. So simple and elegant.
Well, sorry my list is huge and who knows, you may not even care about what I think! You will be a great mom and you will be surprised at how naturally things will come to you! Its part of being a woman!
the best thing about babies is that they've been coming since the earth was formed...which i interpret as no one is the same, they can survive in animal skins, there are only a few options on getting them here.
ReplyDeletesimple...the spirit will guide..lots of info is the best.
the better you inform yourslf the more prepared you will feel.
stress is normal but unnecessary and in this stage might just set the stage for how you parent really.
um, do educate on breast feeding, i could write a book on how that didn't come naturally to me. by #3 i got i right and at 16 months we are still loving that amazing bond.
really a someone to talk to in depth would have been great, i settled for the little booklet that came in my cheap hand pump from evenflo, worked great. reach out if you need before you give up.
i am done......
It looks like you got tons of advice, but hey, why not add another one.
ReplyDeleteTake it however you want.
Carseat: One that you do not have to put over the baby's head. Not much fun, especially with a crying baby.
Binkies are better than the thumb! You can't take the kids thumb away, but a binkie...
Diapers: If you have a costco card I would get diapers from there. Or if you don't and you still want Kirkland brand, you can just come with me to Costco.
Sleeping: I never read any books. I would rather read a novel. Fortunately I have kids you sleep 12 hours at night starting at 2 mos. old. We start letting our kids cry themselves to sleep at 2 months and after a few really rough days of hearing your baby cry, it's over and they are sleeping. At least that's been my experience. But beware, they test you again at about 4 or 5 months and wake up in the night. My advice to that would be, don't go to them. You know they can go 12 (or the number) hours of sleep without being fed because they've done it before. Sounds mean, but it's work for my three so far. And one other thing. We move the baby OUT of our room at the same time we let him/her cry themselves to sleep and we didn't use a monitor so we wouldn't hear every single movement. That sounds really mean, but my kids still love me and they sleep really well which is a must for me. I love my sleep.
That's an earful. Take what advice you want and chuck the rest. You'll do awesome as a mother! I'm so excited for you!
Read Baby Wise! Because when your baby sleeps through the night everyone is happy! ;)
ReplyDeleteHow about the name Adalyn? I got it off this website. www.babyhold.com
ReplyDeleteWait a minute! I can't be giving you cute girl name advice... I've got to save the cute GIRL names for me to choose from...
ReplyDelete