Birth Story/Saga/Novella

It is with a joyful heart and happy news that I am writing!
Baby Sophie Noelle Tolley has arrived!!!!!

Sorry this ‘birth story’ post is much delayed but life with the two kiddos is still a balancing act for me and I’ve had to do considerable editing to my birth story a la journal to make it short enough and appropriate for public viewing. This is still quite verbose so read/skim with that knowledge - you have been warned. A summary is provided at the end.

Preceding events:
So Friday, the 12th, my due date, I didn’t have any signs of contractions and not even much movement. I cannot remember that day very well, but I assume that I was working hard in the afternoon evening because I remember working on my dissertation proposal draft up until when Marc and I found a babysitter (the Hubands – thank you!) last minute and went to our pre-planned ‘Due Date’ party! I called it my ‘last hoorah’ before the status quo changed: we went to Curry-oke, an Indian restaurant with karaoke. Marc seemed almost too embarrassed to go and I was surprised that he would even come along, but guess what? He ended up loving it! And I did, of course. Karaoke - not good at it but love it! Indian anything - love it! Let’s just say it was an awesome, late night. Sans kids, with young friends, with my hubby. Quite the fun date night/our lives are about to forever change - night.

Saturday was the Primary Program practice. Marc and Ryan hung out with Madeleine and I went to the practice, though I was not much needed. I need to work on magnifying it, I guess. Anyways. Then, I came home and worked, worked, worked!!! I worked on my proposal and I was soooo grateful for the energy, the clarity of thought, the motivation, and Marc’s help with Madeleine... I stayed up until 3:30 in the morning but I got it done. Yes, I could have done a few things more, but by that time I was quite groggy and knew that I had given an honest effort, and I thanked the Lord and went to bed. We woke up, got ready for church, and took Marc to work at Walter Reed, then Madeleine and I got ready for church, picked up Angela and made it to church. That afternoon I slept, Madeleine slept, and we went to choir practice.

Monday I felt totally like a new person. The weight of the impending proposal draft was off my shoulders, submitted and on Jenn’s desk, and I opened myself up to really ‘prepping’ for a baby that was now 2 days ‘overdue.’ I babysat Shannon’s two kiddos while she got work done. It was a handful! Only because Logan and Madeleine were both not getting along together too well. Marc came home after the longest call night so far and slept and watched Madeleine a bit while I received a visit from Anne and her new little boy, Caleb! It was so delightful to catch up and to see her and to reminisce. And then the night was over.

Marc worked on Tuesday the 16th and I become the domestic diva! My parents were coming in that night. We woke up early and made our way to Walter Reed via the shuttle from Navy and saw the pediatric dematrologist who said that Madeleine looked lovely and not to change anything since her eczema seemed fine – a 5 minute visit with 1 hour travel involved. Then we came home and I cleaned the house, I made an enchilada soup in the crockpot for dinner (perfect for the blustery, rainy whether we had), I made peanut butter cookies and bars, played with Madeleine, involved her in the baking and cooking, vacuumed, walked to the market with Madeleine in the light rain to get groceries, and then welcomed Amanda who dropped off pumpkin pie and a casserole - what a sweetheart! At that moment my parents arrived! Via subway; poor, brave wayfarers... But a very happy reunion indeed. Madeleine was hyper and played with her Gong Gong and Paw Paw and we all caught up on news until 9:30 pm ish when Marc got home from Fairfax, VA where his ED rotation is.

And so begins The Birth Story:
At around 2:30 am I began having contractions. Maybe it was my extreme day of domesticity, or the relief of having my parents arrive, or who knows... but I started having contractions fairly regularly. And Marc was such a champ! He held my hand - or rather, I gripped his intensely, for each contraction. He coached me through it with instructions to relax and be calm and it’s okay, hold on. He played me music from Pandora on his phone and we watched a couple Mormon Messages clips on his phone too. All through the night. He got me water and hot pad to ease my discomforts and basically stayed up and talked with me. And there I was, going to the bathroom incessantly, and contracting. Regularly. As we all know, I am no hardcore. I am not tough and my pain tolerance is low, low, low. So, I was feeling it, but surviving, nonetheless. By 4:30ish I asked Marc what he thought, how close were the contractions, etc. He had already emailed and texted residents, the hospital, the program director, everyone to let them know I was having contractions and that he might not make it to work. I felt stressed out about it being a false alarm and all his program coordinators and coworkers thinking I was a flake. But... as you shall see, no false alarm. These contractions were real. So, at 5 am Marc said, “Well, your contractions are regular and about 2 minutes apart and 40-seconds to a minute. We could probably go to the hospital any time you want now.” Mind you, I had an OB visit that morning at 9:30 am, so I was debating whether I would make it till then and just wait to go in and ask the OB how far dilated I was and go from there. Good thing I didn’t wait for the OB appointment.

I showered at 5:20 am, was finally able to go to the bathroom (I was nervous about that because I wanted it out of the way before the active labor), put on make-up (this time I didn’t want to risk looking quite as hashed as I did with Madeleine, plus, I’d seen all these other mom’s photos at the hospital and THEY all looked like they had put on make up, so...), and then Marc showered, and we were all busy getting ready, but quietly so. My parents and Madeleine slept through the night with nary an inkling as to the commotion. Finally at 6 I was ready, Marc was ready and we suggested my parents get ready. At one point, Marc said to my Dad, “Dad. You might wanna get a shirt on. If you wanna come to the hospital with us...” And I think at that point it finally dawned on my Dad that we were going to the hospital to have the baby. That day. By 6:35ish everyone was ready, we got Madeleine out of bed and into the car where I was contracting and quite uncomfortable. We drove the 3 minutes to the hospital. Dad took the car to get parked and Marc wheeled me up to the 6th floor.

In the Assessment Room, I was contracting, and the less glorious part of it all was that I kept saying “I really need the bathroom, Marc! Get the nurse!” and he kept denying me and saying, “Natalie, you don’t need to go, you’re going to have a baby. It’s the baby pushing on your rectum!” (Note: He was right, as we shall see.) Also in the Assessment Room, Marc and I meet the anesthesiologist who stops by to introduce himself and he and Marc realize they are Ute alums and had classes together, old buddy-buddy, etc. and all I can think is “yeah, yeah, on your way, I won’t need you, don’t want the epidural, see ya!” But he was very nice. And nope, we never saw him again. Anyways, the nurse put in an IV (good work - since my veins are very tiny and with Madeleine the nurse didn’t get to/have time to get one in - not that it was needed) and the doctor came in to assess me. 7 cm dilated, 75% effaced, -1. What???!! I moaned. Oh no! This is less than when I went to the hospital with Madeleine. Mentally, I was blocked. I didn’t think I could survive labor at any stage earlier than when I went in with Madeleine (8 cm). I was deflated - emotionally speaking, of course. I just worried that I wouldn’t be strong enough to make it. Even though 7 cm is only 1 cm less than 8 and, as our friend Scott B. pointed out, it’s not like it’s an exact science - I could have been an 8. :) Anyways, mentally I was worried. But they still wheeled me into the labor room. Very nice set up.

In the labor room, my very nice nurse, Nicole, was setting everything up and asking me questions between contractions and I was answering and asking Marc to get pictures and everything between contractions. And every so often I’d freak out about having to go to the bathroom. I tell ya, this was my entire preoccupation: “I need to go to the bathroom!” They finally gave me a bedpan, but I didn’t need it - everyone else was right. I just need to remember that labor feels like having to go the bathroom. Badly. LOTS of pressure down there – but I digress… So, the nurse leaves the room with instructions to call her if my water breaks or if I really feel like I need to push through contractions.

She left. And then I had one very prominent, memorable contraction and my water broke! Marc and I looked at each other and I stated the obvious. He called the nurse back in and I started freaking out with the screaming. Unlike with Madeleine’s birth where the nurses told me not to use my energy up by screaming, I SCREAMED. In my mind, I feared and I kept thinking, “This is worse than with Madeleine. This is harder. This hurts more! I don’t know if I’ll make it. I should have gotten the epidural. Maybe? Maybe I should get the epidural? It’s hard. Oh it hurts!” So, everyone rushed in. I screamed through my contractions, holding tightly to Marc’s hand. Once the doctor came in she checked me and these were her words, “Let’s check you out... oh, okay! Your’e there! 10 cm and -2, you can push anytime you want to!” What? I made it? I was there already? I thought I was at a 7! Marc had been calling friends or texting and telling my parents I was a 7 and it could possibly be 3 hours from now and I, of course, didn’t believe it. I had an inkling that he was just saying that to mentally prepare me... even in my mind I knew that a 7 to a 10 wasn’t going to be 3 hours for me. So yeah, there I was, ready.

And the break came. At that blessed moment, there was a break between contractions where I gathered my thoughts and energy, and then... I pushed! The contraction came, the doctors or nurses counted to 10 and I petered out at 6 every time, screaming 1-5 but blowing my lips like you’d blow raspberries on someone’s belly every time I reached 6. It was kind of weird and funny, even I realized it. But I guess that’s how I was harnessing my energy. “Auuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Blllllllllllllllllppppppppppppppblblblblblbh.” Repeat. 5 times or so. My water probably broke at 7:50 am, and the hospital discharge papers say I was in labor for 5:05 minutes. I probably pushed 5 or 6 times, for about 5-7 minutes and then...

At 8:02 am, Sophie Noelle Tolley was born, 19.5 inches, 6 lbs. 14 oz. Beautiful, gorgeous, perfect. Intoxicating love. Instant. They brought her up on my chest, as I had asked, but on a towel which was unexpected and kind of defeats the purpose - skin to skin. But I held her and loved her and cooed and awed and was SO happy. She was blue a little. So they took her for a second after I cuddled her to give her oxygen and then brought her back to me and Marc and I marveled. Oh what joy!


Post-birth recollections:
My recollection is that with Madeleine my first thought was, “It’s over.” And this time, my first thought was, “She’s here!” Such speaks to the physical pain and feelings: this time I felt immediately fine! Well, relatively. I could feel and this time remember delivering the afterbirth and thinking, hey, not so bad at all, so that’s what it is. And then all the cleaning up, I was cognizant of it this time. They were cleaning Sophie off in the corner of the room, and all was dandy and I was thrilled with how great I felt “down there.” Until little Miss OB decided to poke around. She thought I had a scratch, not a tear, no, not a tear, but a small scratch and she was examining me and the scratch to see if I should be sutured, just one suture she said but she wasn’t sure. Well... GET SURE! I thought! Because it hurt, all her poking around. I felt fine until she obsessed over the scratch. Finally, I said, suture, but will it hurt? Ha! The OB kind of looked at me. “Yes, I realize I just went through labor, so I probably wouldn’t feel it, but hm...” They offered a local anesthetic, but both Marc and the doctor were like, “Really? I don’t think you’ll need it.” I agreed and she sutured my little scratch. Okay, now off with you, you pesky, pokey OB! Give me back my beautiful baby! Tell my parents and Madeleine that she has arrived!

And with that, everyone asked about a name, joyous morning! The sun was shining through the window, ahhhhh! I was SO happy and elated! I looked to Marc and said we thought we had a name... but then he threw out Claire or Sophie. All this while we had pretty much settled on Sophie. I’m not opposed to Claire, but really? He always tries to throw out a new name at the last minute. So, she was nameless but “probably Sophie.” She didn’t get her name until the afternoon and indeed, we settled on Sophie. And now I think she definitely looks it.

So I sent Marc out to get my parents - whom he couldn’t find. They had taken Madeleine in her PJs for a walks, expecting a 3 hour wait, not 10 minutes. But he texted them and they came a runnin’. And joy and rapture!!!! Everyone was there! Madeleine came in in Gong Gong’s arms and they were gazing at the nurses taking care of Sophie under the warming light, cleaning her up and whatnot - whatever they do. And Madeleine looked very dubious of the entire situation and hesitant. You could tell, she felt she was in foreign land - What was going on?? But I called to her. She sat on my lap and we hugged, although she was still a little weirded out. We have a family pic of the 3 of us, and then... they brought Sophie over and Madeleine, on my lap, held her. Oh melt my heart! Does anything prepare you for the love that you feel when you see your daughter hold her little sister for the first time! Oh joy and tears and melting of all heart strings. Soooo precious.

Summary:
Before Sophie was born – Friday the 16th ‘due date’ party at Spice Xing for Indian karaoke with friends- so fun!; primary program practice and intense work on dissertation proposal on Saturday; church and sleep on Sunday; babysit and visit from Anne on Monday the 15th; domestic diva with cooking, cleaning, baking, prepping on Tuesday the 16th, parents arrive that night
Birth story in short – contractions begin ~2:30 am that night; Marc is spectacular with his support; we, including Madeleine and my parents, go to the hospital at 7 am; check-in and assessment; water breaks around 7:50ish; I scream like a banshee along with blowing raspberries to cope with the pain; 5 minutes later Sophie is born

At 8:02 am, Sophie Noelle Tolley was born, 19.5 inches, 6 lbs. 14 oz. Beautiful, gorgeous, perfect.